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Novel » My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler
**The video is exactly what I’ve written below. You can either choose to read my blog or watch me try to mildly entertain you.**
When it comes to love, I’m not materialistic. I’d much rather prefer a cute picnic over a necklace. So, I’ve come up with a list of things I’ve learned from being with Johnathan, my non-romantic boyfriend.
1. Romantic People are Selfless
I’ve recently discovered this about myself & with all romantics in general. When it comes to love, we’re just selfless. It gets to the point when we’re so selfless that we just don’t care about ourselves nearly as much as the person we love. It allows us to be quite vulnerable as we’d be willing to do anything to make our significant other happy even if it means sacrificing our health.
Example 1: Johnathan’s ill.
Johnathan: I’m not feeling well; I think I’m sick.
Me: Aww..well I’m on my way home from school. Do you want me to get you some soup?
Johnathan: Nah you don’t have to.
Me: Okay I’ll get you soup, what do you want?
Johnathan: It’s okay, don’t worry about it.
*I bring him soup & I’m about to kiss him*
Johnathan: NO! I don’t want to get you sick.
Me: I don’t care about getting sick, I just want you to feel better.
Example 2: I’m ill.
Me: I’m sick.
Johnathan: I’d bring you soup, but I don’t want to get sick.
*He ends up coming over & holds me*
Johnathan: Please don’t breathe on me, I don’t want to get sick.
2. Non-Romantics Don’t Feel the Need to Remind You That They Love You, But They Do
This is one of the toughest lessons I’m still trying to learn. It’s not like I need to repeatedly hear, “Tiffany, I love you” 20 times a day, I just like to hear it once a day. I struggle with this because non-romantics expect that when they tell you that they love you, you should know. The only time they change their feelings about you is when they say, “goodbye forever!” Every now & then, I have to tell myself that just because Johnathan’s having a bad day & is grumpy doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me any less.
Johnathan: Tiffany, no matter what I say [jokingly or ill-mannered], I love you & I always will.
3. Romantics Put In Way More Effort
The things guys do for girls in movies isn’t fiction; it happens in real life. Stop shaking your head no because it’s true. A bunch of my guy friends who AREN’T gay are willing to go all out for a special someone. Stephenie Meyer may fantasize about sparkling vampires, but coming home to a candlelit dinner is not ludicrous. We’re willing to go all out to show someone we love them.
Example 1: Kevin Le ♥ White Girl
Kevin Le: planning a cutesy picnic with my whitey girl
Kevin Le: im going to make pumpkin pound cake and pumpkin spice butter and bring some wine
Kevin Le: i even bought those cliche baskets for picnics
Kevin Le: i also bought a metal bucket just so i can put wine and water in it with ice
Kevin Le: has to be metal like they do in commercials about corona
Kevin Le: metal bucket with ice and beer on the beach
Me: have you always been this romantic?
Kevin Le: yes, fck you
Kevin Le: and then im picking fresh flowers off my flower beds at home and giving her some
Example 2: Johnathan Brings Me Flowers
Johnathan: My mom said there were flowers on sale at Trader Joe’s so I got you some & this dark chocolate.
Me: Johnathan, one of my daffodils has a dead slug in it!
Example 3: Homemade Dinner?
Me: I’d love it if you made me dinner one day.
Me: I always make you dinner.
4. Our Love is Unique
If you’ve ever dated a romantic, you’d know that our love is unique. Everyone’s way of showing they love someone is different, but a romantic’s way stands out. It ties in with us being selfless & the way we show our love is unforgettable.
5. Non-Romantics Express Their Love Through Words
If you’re not the person that captivates this non-romantic of yours, chances are, you won’t get a single romantic sentence out of them. Johnathan can be emotionless 90% of the time & the 10% is when he’s sweet enough to tell me how much I mean to him. I won’t ever get a candlelit dinner from him, but I live for that 10%. That 10% may be a small percentage to most of you, but if you knew the things he said to me, you’d know it’s enough to last you a lifetime.
I don’t get the romance I want, but when Johnathan tells me what I mean to him, candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, cuddling underneath the stars, & all that are merely trivial. Sometimes words are much stronger than actions because I can’t tell him what he means to me without bursting into tears.